LOST Recap, Weirdness Alerts & Mental Notes by Amy – 6.04 “The Substitute”

SEASON 6 Recaps

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Previously on LOST:  Kate sheds the marshal and her handcuffs.  Claire barely avoids giving birth after Aaron’s adopting parents renege on the deal.  Claire gives Kate her credit card as thanks.  TEMPLE: Jack survives taking the pill intended for Sayid.  Over tea, Sensei claims Sayid is cultivating inner darkness (like “yer sister”).  NEW OTHERTON: Sawyer sets up for a major post-Juliet pity party. Kate leaves him behind. BEACH: Mock Locke tosses an unconscious Richard over his shoulder, yells at everyone and marches off.  JUNGLE: Claire suddenly appears to rescue Jin. [This new (and dirty) Claire will henceforth be known as CLAIRUSO thanks to LOSTblog's very own Tina (@lostdogs20)!]

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Begin LOST Episode 6.04  ”The Substitute”

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A van pulls up in suburbia. John Locke exits via wheelchair lift (weird noises), which jams halfway down.  He jiggles the red lever.  He roll/jumps the ramp (He thought that would work?), and lands flat on his face on the lawn.  The auto-sprinklers kick on.  He chuckles at the absurdity.  Weirdness alert: Helen comes outta the house, shuts off the water and rescues him.

Mental Notes:  Last time we saw Helen, John was crying over her grave.  John is wearing EXACTLY the same clothes he wore on Oceanic 815 except for the SHOES.  And what’s with the weird hand/ear thing just outta the van?

The bathroom. John sits in the tub sipping from a coffee mug and dangling swatches.

• Helen: Planning a wedding sucks! Let’s just go to Vegas. We can bring your dad!
• John: Nah. My SMOKIN’ hot, soon-to-be wife deserves better.
• Helen: How was the conference?
• John: Uhhh–
• Helen: (finds card) Who’s Jack Shephard the spinal surgeon?
• John: Uhhh– OH yeah, I met him at lost luggage (HAHAHAHAHA!). He’d lost something too.
• Helen: That sounds like destiny to me!
• John: Maybe.

Weirdess alert: John’s DAD?! What conference? I seem to remember John telling fake, 911 Helen that he’d saved up his vacation days and bought two tickets on his own.  Hm.  Also, VERY weird noises heard over cut between LA_X and ISLAND (which repeat throughout the show).

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ISLAND, MISC.

Big-Time weirdness alert for this entire sequence.

POV shot: we float on our way and FLASH jump-cut to various, familiar locations on the island (that are not geographically sequential).  A familiar ticka ticka sound combined with some seriously odd noises that sound like a smeared “Help us!”  (Listen for a smeared cry for “HELP” JUST before we see New Otherton.)

New Otherton. We float between houses. A loud “TINGLE/screech.”  We stop short and backtrack to the house we just passed.  Iggy Pop blares through an opaque, slatted glass window. The sound of breaking glass.  Smokey’s reflection (really? A reflection on opaque, slatted glass?) replaces the fluffy clouds/blue sky reflection (hunh?) and what looks like his shadow flickers on the house wall.  More breaking glass/smashing.   We move closer as Smokey undulates in the entire window.  A peeping Tom shot reveals nothing but curtain.

We FLASH jump-cut to the jungle then flash again.  We are close to the ground (looks a lot like the POV shot from “So it begins” Missing Pieces to me.  Definitely different sounds too.)  A rusty machete lies directly ahead of us, just hidden in the grass.  We float toward it, but not past it. We look down at the machete. A DOUBLE flash with a BAM!  A foot appears. A hand picks up the machete. Mock Locke checks it out, briefly nods and looks around.

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JUNGLE

A large canvas-lookin’ pouch dangles high in a tree.  Mock Locke cuts a rope and lowers it to the ground with a THUD.  A rumpled, scuffed up, terrified Richard peeks out.

• Mocke Locke:  Alright, Richard.  Time to talk.
• Richard:  Eep!

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LA_X

John’s back at the elevator (HAHAHAHAHA!) in an oddly familiar shirt.  He wheels forward when the doors open.  John wheels through cubicles (looks like the workplace we’ve seen before). He arrives at a desk. Weirdness alert: odd noises while John waits/and seems to thinks things over.  A deep breath.  Randy (annoying boss of John’s AND Hurley’s) arrives.

• Randy: How was the company-sponsored trip to Australia?
• John: Didn’t learn anything. Made some good contacts.
• Randy: You never showed up for lunch with Ken Fisher.
• John: Uh—I was sick that day.
• Randy: Never showed up for the conference either.
• John: Uh—
• Randy: So where’d you get that tan?
• John:  Uh—Where I was–It’s personal, and I really don’t want talk about it.
• Randy: That won’t be a problem cuz you’re fired.
• John:  (to himself) Hunh. Didn’t see that one coming.

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JUNGLE

Richard chokes down water from Mock Locke’s canteen.

• Mock Locke: How ‘bout we kiss and make up?
• Richard: Nice John Locke costume.
• Mock Locke: I needed the candidate look to get access to Jacob.  You like it?
• Richard:  You’re freaking me out, man.
• Mock Locke: Truth is, Jacob was holding out on you.  I’ll spill it all if you come with me.
• Richard: Yeah, right!
• Mock Locke: Are you sure? Last chance.
• Richard:  N – O!

Mock Locke spots a creepy kid standing (spotlighted) in the tall grass behind Richard.  It’s a boy, very blond, wearing a vest and blood smeared arms (up to his elbows).  His arms hang at his side, but his palms face forward. He stares and says something we can’t hear.  Richard turns. The spotlight is still there, but no sign of the boy.  Mock Locke looks spooked.

• Mock Locke:  I’ll be back.
• Richard: Please be joking.

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JACOB’S LAIR (UNDER STATUE)

Ben cautiously enters.  Illana weeps among the bodies.  Weirdness alert: The circle of fire is no longer burning, and it and the rocks around it are so brightly spotlighted, they look white.

• Illana:  Who made this mess?
• Ben:  John Locke went POOF into this monster smokey thingy and beat them like rugs.
• Illana: While you sat there.
• Ben: While I hid in fear.
• Illana:  It killed Jacob too?
• Ben:  Uh—Yeah, that’s right. It smacked him, whacked him and threw him into the circle fire doohickey over there.

Illana collects ash from the circle into a small bag.

• Ben:  Any thoughts on why he cavemanned Richard?

Weirdness alert:  A WHISPER  as Illana continues collecting ash.  Ben narrows his eyes in a look we’ve seen before.

• Illana:  He’s recruiting.

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NEW OTHERTON

One lonely bird calls as Mock Locke strides straight to the house with the window (sans one slat) in which we saw Smokey’s (irrational) reflection.  He enters the ransacked house.  Music blares (unnaturally well and loud) from a small record player.  Weirdness alert: I can’t tell if this was Suliet’s house or not, can you? And the lyrics of this song make me wonder.  There’s something ambiguous about them, and I swear, I’m hearing names buried in the blurry vocals, especially at the end. I dunno. Ya’ll tell me.

A black bag (?) hangs on the bedroom doorknob.  Mock Locke ignores guy-law number 4 (respect the universal symbol for “I gotta girl in here”) and enters.  Sawyer sits in the corner sucking down Dharma labeled whiskey.  He’s a heaping mess of “I don’t care.” He doesn’t reach for the gun on the nightstand behind him, and he doesn’t react to Mock Locke’s arrival.  Weirdness alert: What’s up with the right side of his face? Mental note: We saw badly-bearded JACK in a similar drunken funk back in Season 4 before Ben recruited him.

• Sawyer: Thought you were dead.
• Mock Locke: I am.
• Sawyer:  Pfft.

Sawyer, in stained boxers (ew!) and a stained tank, fills two small glasses to the brim with whiskey.  Mock Locke handles it suspiciously.  Sawyer sighs. Mock Locke test tastes it from where it spilled on his fingers.  Sawyer plops on the couch.

HOWEVER: MAJOR Weirdness alert: A closer look at the glass handoff reveals SOMETHING ELSE going on – There’s a weird whisper right before Sawyer hands him the glass.  Mock Locke MAKES SURE to touch Sawyer’s arm.  Sawyer’s sigh? Sounds like another weird whisper if you listen carefully.  Then Mock Locke licks the FINGER that touched SAWYER.

• Sawyer: Here’s to being dead.
• Mock Locke:  Doesn’t bother you that I’m here? [Weirdness alert: He doesn’t say DEAD. He says HERE.]
• Sawyer: Am I being too subtle? Now scram outta m’house.  You’re killin’ my buzz.

Mock Locke doesn’t drink.

• Mock Locke:  This isn’t your house, James.
• Sawyer:  And that ain’t yer body.
• Mock Locke:  Ya think? How come?
• Sawyer: John Locke was a scairdy cat. You’re not a scairdy cat.
• Mock Locke: Interesting.  You wanna know the answer to life, the universe and everything?
• Sawyer: It’s 42.
• Mock Locke:  Funny.
• Sawyer: I’m a reader.
• Mock Locke:  Do you know why you’re here on this island?
• Sawyer: I know I can’t read it in a book.
• Mock Locke: Come with me.  I can prove why you’re here. What’ve you got to lose?
• Sawyer: I guess I better put some pants on.
• Mock Locke:  I recommend some clean underwear. You never know when you might be in an accident.

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LA_X

John wheels right past an empty handicap parking space to his van.  Irked that a Hummer is blocking his door, he tries to vindictively ding it with the wheelchair lift.  It jams before it can leave a scratch.  Frustrated, John bangs on the Hummer’s hatch (HAHAHAHAHA!).  Hurley, all casually dapper in a black suit and pulled back hair, switches off the alarm.  Weirdness alert: something VERY strange is going on with Hurley’s dangling left hand while John rants.

• Hurley:  Dude.
• John:  Your parking SUCKS!
• Hurley: Forgot to use the handicapped spot, huh.
• John:  What? – No!  Who cares?!  Your parking sucks and so do you!
• Hurley:  They were supposed to reserve a spot for me cuz I own the company.
• John: Well, your company sucks too!
• Hurley: (shakes John’s hand) I’m Hugo.
• John:  Nice to meetcha Hugo.  I’m fired.
• Hurley:  No worries.  I own a temp agency too.  Call this number (writes it) and tell them Hugo said to hook you up with a new job pronto.  And chin up.  Things are gonna work out.
• John:  Says you.  Now get that gasshole Hummer outta my way!

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THE STATUE BEACH

John Locke’s corpse.  A crab skitters across his head when Frank throws a tarp over him.

• Frank:  Gross.
• Illana:  Mount up. We’re headed to the temple.
• Sun:  No way.  I’ve followed my last psychopath.
• Illana:  If Jin’s anywhere, he’ll be there.
• Sun: Well, that’s okay then.  First we have to bury John.

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JUNGLE

Mock Locke and Sawyer trudge single file. Mock Locke leads.

• Mock Locke: Where is everybody and why aren’t you with them?
• Sawyer:  Shut up.

Weirdness alert: Sawyer spots creepy blond kid (CBK).  Mock Locke chases CBK through the jungle.   He falls on his face.  CBK (barefooted) towers over him.  He’s dirty, but unbloodied this time around.

• CBK:  You know the rules.  You can’t kill him.
• Mock Locke:  (kneels) Don’t tell me what I can’t do.

CBK shakes his dead (disappointed maybe?) and walks off.

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JUNGLE

Sawyer calls for Locke and threatens to leave.  Richard appears out of the jungle.

• Richard:  Come to the temple with me! Quick!
• Sawyer:  Been there. Done that.
• Richard:  Are you wearing my shirt?
• Sawyer:  Maybe.
• Richard:  Ever heard of buttons?
• Sawyer:  I dropped all those Dharma pounds.  I’m showing some skin.
• Richard:  OMG! That guy is 1) not John Locke 2) lying 3) gonna kill you and 4) gonna kill all yer pals.
• Sawyer:  I’m an angry redneck lookin’ for answers.  I got a gun and no worries.
• Richard:  (skitters off) Enjoy your death!
• Sawyer:  You’re just pissed I look better in your shirt!

Mock Locke returns.

• Mock Locke:  Who you talking to?
• Sawyer:  Nobody (Get it? No-BODY.  HAHAHAHAHAHA!)  You catch up with the kid?
• Mock Locke:  What kid?

Mock Locke has no idea what he’s talking about.  Sawyer raises an eyebrow.

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LA_X

John at a job interview.  Weirdness alert: the posters on the wall say “DREAM” or “Find your dream job.”  Weirdness alert: What is up with the psycho “animal question” chick interviewing John?!  John asks to see the supervisor which turns out to be ROSE!  Last name “Nadler?”

• John:  Mr. Reyes said you’d take care of me.  I want a REAL job.
• Rose:  You want a job you can’t do in a wheelchair?
• John:  Right.
• Rose:  You want my advice?
• John:  No.
• Rose:  Too bad. I have cancer. That trumps your wheelchair.
• John:  I’m listening.
• Rose:  Live your life and stop worrying about what you can’t do.  Do what you can.

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JUNGLE

Sawyer follows Mock Locke.  Sawyer brings up “Of Mice and Men,” which was the book he and Ben bantered about when Ben “conned the con man” at the Hydra in Season 3.  Weirdness alert: Mock Locke says the book is “a little after my time.”

• Sawyer: — So George tells Lenny to look to the horizon and think happy thoughts, then sneaky shoots him.  Lucky for you, I don’t do sneaky.
• Mock Locke:  Again with the gun?
• Sawyer:  What are you?
• Mock Locke:  What I am is trapped. [but he told Ben-I’m NOT a what, I’m a who.]
• Sawyer: Keep talkin’.
• Mock Locke:  Before I was trapped, I was a man—Just like you.
• Sawyer: Having a hard time believing that. [believing that he’s a man or believing that he’s like you? Hm.]
• Mock Locke:  Come on, James.  You’re gonna turn back when you’re this close?

Mock Locke smiles and turns. Sawyer rolls his eyes and follows.

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THE STATUE BEACH

John Locke’s funeral. Ben and Illana carry John’s body suspended on shoulder poles between them.

• Ben: What’s with the bringing dead Locke to the statue for show and tell?
• Illana:  Because the people there need to see the face of what they’re up against. [People there? At the statue?]
• Ben:  What if he changes faces?
• Illana:  He can’t.  Not anymore.  He’s stuck this way.

They arrive at the makeshift graveyard.   Tilted crosses from previous funerals.  Frank and Ben dig a grave. Weirdness alert: how on EARTH did they dig that grave and keep their shirts white?!  They lower John’s corpse into the ground.

• Illana: Any last words before John takes a dirt nap?
• Ben:  Uh—I’ll do it.  Dear John, you were a true believer.  You were a much better man than I will ever be.  And I’m very sorry I prevented your suicide, strangled you anyway and strung you up like a turkey.
• Sun & Illana:  What?!
• Frank: This is the weirdest damn funeral I’ve ever been to.

John’s corpse disappears under shovels of dirt.

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LA_X

John lies in bed NOT SLEEPING.  An alarm clock goes off [and it sounds like “system failure” alarm to me!].  He drags himself (literally) out of bed and gets dressed in his wheelchair.  His reflection ponders.  He pulls Jack’s business card from his shirt pocket (how’d that get there?).  He dials up on a cell.  He declines help when the receptionist answers and hangs up.  Weirdness alert:  Didja see that weird hand movement John did with the phone? KATE saw JACK do the same thing out side the airport when she jacked that cab.  Helen makes up the bed.

• Helen:  Who’s on the phone?
• John:  Not Jack Shephard, cuz I’m not gonna see him.
• Helen: Why not?
• John:  And I got fired.
• Helen:  What?!

Doorbell rings.  John’s “lost luggage” is delivered.  [Note the use of red shirts, color watchers, and the yellow “inspected” sticker on the case.]

• Helen:  Let’s hear it.
• John:  When I was in Australia, I skipped out on the conference to go on a walkabout adventure in the outback.
• Helen:  A walkabout.  In a wheelchair.
• John:  Yeah.  Open the case. It’ll help explain.

She pops it open.  We see all John’s knives, shiny and new.

• Helen:  Managing to sneaky purchase a huge case of knives without me knowing about it and then drag it halfway around the world on a doomed manly quest fueled by your denial – and losing your job in the process – doesn’t explain why I shouldn’t smack you right now.
• John:  I’m sick of imaging what my life could be like outta this chair cuz it’s not gonna happen.  If you need me to get outta this chair, I don’t blame you.  I don’t want you to waste your life waiting for a miracle cuz there’s no such thing.
• Helen:  There are miracles, John.  And the only thing I was ever waiting for was you.

[File John under “Luckiest Man Alive.”]

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CLIFFS OF DEATH

Sawyer and Mock Locke look down a rickety bamboo ladder and a rickety rope ladder to the deadly landing below.

• Sawyer: No WAY I’m going down there!
• Mock Locke:  Whatsamatter?  You chicken?

Mock Locke goes first.  Sawyer follows and nearly falls to his death.  Weirdness alert:  Mock Locke eyes Sawyer’s face once they’re safely near the cave.

• Mock Locke:  You want fries with your primal fear?
• Sawyer: Shut up!
• Mock Locke: I warned you about the clean underwear.
• Sawyer: SHUT UP!

They enter the cave.  There’s a desk/worktable (?), a small ottoman (??), and a big, round urn lookin’ thing. (I swear I see part of a guitar too).  On the desk: an assortment of old, broken stuff and a small seesaw scale, perfectly balanced with a black rock on the right, and a white rock on the left.  Mock Locke picks up the white rock and hurls it into the sea.

• Sawyer: ??
• Mock Locke: Inside joke. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
• Sawyer: This cave sucks! I could be passed out on my couch right now.

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GRAFFITI CAVE

Locke lights a torch and leads Sawyer into a cave with very weird walls and steps on the far side.  Sawyer takes the torch and checks out the low ceiling and walls.  There are at least a hundred crossed out names written chalk.  We see “15-FORD,” “REYES,” and “16-JARRAH” written on the ceiling above him.  Weirdness alert: Where’d the chalk come from? Chalk 4 Your Cave Express?

• Mock Locke: This is why you’re here.
• Sawyer:  ???

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LA_X

John substitute teaches: P.E. and health class (Turn to Chapter 4: The Human Reproductive System – HAHAHAHAHAHA!) John heads for the teacher’s lounge.  A bookish “Ben” whines about “removing the filter” (HAHAHAHAHA! – Man! I’m laughing a lot on this episode!).

• John:  Got tea?
• Ben: There’s a gentlemen’s drink!  Benjamin Linus, European History.
• John: John Locke, substitute.
• Ben:  Well Hi-Diddley-O-There, Mr. John Locke Substitute!

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MEANWHILE, BACK AT GRAFFITI CAVE. . .

Sawyer wanders the cave checking out the ceilings and walls.

• Sawyer: Who wrote all this?
• Mock Locke: His name was Jacob. He died yesterday.
• Sawyer: Why are all the names crossed out?
• Mock Locke:  They’re not all crossed out.

“23-SHEPHARD” on the wall. [BIG TIME WEIRDNESS WARNING ON THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION]

• Sawyer: That’d be Jack Shephard?

Flashback: Jacob touches a John Stamos-coiffed Jack while passing him an Apollo candy bar.

• Mocke Locke: He’s not the only one. [The only name or the only SHEPHARD? Also, the lord is my shepherd=The 23rd Psalm.]

Locke shines the torch on “8-REYES” [8 R - EYES? 8 Arise?]

• Sawyer: Reyes. That’d be Hugo, right?

Flashback: Jacob touches Hugo over the guitar case.

• Sawyer: What’s the 8 about?
• Mock Locke: Jacob had a thing for numbers. (shines torch on the names above them) 16 JARRAH. . . [I got nuthin.]

Flashback: Jacob touches Sayid’s shoulder.

• Mock Locke: . . .42 KWON. I don’t know if it’s Sun or if it’s Jin. [Major weirdness alert: this line sounds odd.]. . .

Flashback: Jacob simultaneously touches Jin and Sun at their wedding.

• Mock Locke: Here. 4 LOCKE. I think we both know him [AGAIN with the odd sound].

Flashback: Jacob touches a bloody John. John opens his eyes.

• Mock Locke:  Last but not least, 15 – FORD. That would be you.
• Sawyer:  Jacob you say? Never met him.

Flashback: Jacob touches Sawyer handing him a pen.

• Mock Locke:  Sure you did probably back when you were young, miserable and vulnerable.  He came you you. He manipulated you. Pulled yer strings like you were a puppet. And as a result choices you thought you made were never really choices at all.  He was pushing you James.  Pushing you to the island. [Weirdness alert: Wow.  That Jacob's pretty sneaky if he can do all that with nuthin' but a pen.  We've heard this speech before, too.]
• Sawyer: Why the hell would he do that?
• Mock Locke: Because you’ve been nominated candidate to replace Jacob. (Congrats!).
• Sawyer: This is quickly becoming not cool.
• Mock Locke: So you’ve got three choices [we've heard that before too!]: 1) do nothing and hope your name doesn’t get crossed out. 2) become the new Jacob (with little job satisfaction). 3) we can work together and leave the island.
• Sawyer: I’ve heard that one before.
• Mock Locke: So what do you say, James. Are you ready to go home?
• Sawyer: Hell yes.

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End Episode 6.04

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[WOW!]

NEXT UP:  6.05 “Lighthouse”

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